I think of Note to Self as escapist. I like the content to be beautiful and enjoyable to take in ("that which we loved at first sight," right?) But this is not representative of my actual life. Maybe I should say that more often. This is a start. So, joining forces with the bloggers that have come before me, here are some Things I'm Afraid to Tell You. Deep breath:
ONE. I just took out loans for 3 years of graduate school. It’s scary, but it was planned, and I am a very different person and professional for having taken the leap. This does mean I must be careful with my money, which isn’t so chic in the blog world. The things I buy I choose very carefully, they are nearly always on sale, and are often purchased with earnings from a lot (sometimes too many) freelance projects. In my experience, there are no shortcuts to getting what you really want. What I mean to say is: blogging is far from a profession (for me.) It is a creative hobby, one that I wouldn’t trade for the world.TWO. [EDITED] I have been reluctant to admit to you all that I'm scared of being a full-time graphic designer. I did really well grade-wise in graphic design program at SCAD, but was told by a (one, singular) professor that I wasn't good enough. Coming into a unfamiliar track is incredibly tough (I had never taken a graphic design class before SCAD.) Every day was a battle, and after almost 9 months, I was so worn down, so defeated, and so tired that this conversation affected me deeply. I had a crisis of faith in myself, and so I switched graduate programs to Design Management. Yes, I let him make me think I'm not good enough to be the type of graphic designer I want to be - and maybe I wasn't at the time. Don't get me wrong, the DMGT program kicked my butt in the best way possible and I have really enjoyed learning/practicing the business side of design strategy. In the end, I think it's the program I was meant to be in in the first place. But at the same time, blogging has made me a much stronger graphic designer and also makes me want to re-involve myself in this profession. I think it's time to find a way to marry both worlds, and move on from that one man's negative words.
THREE. I love a cute cocktail dress and heels as much as the next girl, but I usually look like a complete idiot in either one. I'm freakishly tall and I will never be the thinnest person in the world. That's life, but it makes me incredibly self-conscious sometimes. I love fashion, but it doesn’t always love me back!
FOUR. (This is probably the hardest thing to share.) When people ask as they so often do - especially in interviews - "do you have any brothers or sisters?" I legitimately freeze up. I look like I'm trying to lie, but the truth is I just don't know how to respond. I used to have one of each. We lost my older brother to his own crippling depression when we were teenagers. On my desk, I keep a picture of him from our trip to Hawaii a month before he passed away. It makes me smile or cry, depending on the day. I still miss him, but I'm just thankful I had him in my life. Seriously: is there a right way to say this without bringing the entire conversation to a crashing halt? I'm still trying to figure it out.FIVE. I sometimes feel like I’m “behind," but I really do like my life. Though I don’t feel the urge to be married or have babies right now (ahh, perish the thought!) the late 20’s are a strange environment to navigate solo. Blog readers, don’t judge me if I end up a crazy dog lady, because given past dating experience, I’d be totally okay with it at this point. ;)
Well, there you have it. I suppose what we are learning through this series is that everyone has hardships, insecurities, and personal challenges. It’s why we are who we are. I think the reason our blogs tend to be so optimistically curated is because it is the one place we can live vicariously. In the same vein, it is our job as blog readers to keep a level head and take the blogosphere for what it is: a fun, creative outlet that celebrates the things we are loving, if not necessarily what we actually have. That's fine with me, and I thank the bloggers who inspire me with their beautiful content. You consistently make my days better, and challenge me to be a better creative professional. I feel nothing but endless admiration for you all...
Read the rest of the Things I'm Afraid to Tell You (Wave Two) posts: Coco + Kelley / Court & Hudson / Sacramento Street / My Cup of Te / Crystal Gentilello / MIMI+MEG / The Decorista / Modern Eve / Apartment 34 / Design Blahg / Vmac & Cheese / Miles to Style / Life in a Venti Cup / The Zhush / Radiant Republic / Savvy Home / The Doctor's Closet / Design Manifest / Because It's Awesome / {extra}ordinary wonders / Sparkling Footsteps / Hitha On The Go / So Much To Smile About / Blogstar / The Goods Design / Style & Pepper / Small Shop Studio / Long Distance Loving / Maggie Rose Blog / The City Girl In Me / The Best Laid Plans / Concrete Jungle DC / Food Fashion Fitness / East Coast Chic
(photo: Pina Bausch by Walter Vogel)
